Dating used to be simple.

You met someone. You liked them. They liked you. Eventually, somebody asked somebody to dinner.

Now you match with a stranger whose profile says "fluent in sarcasm," spend three weeks texting like you're negotiating a hostage release, accidentally become emotionally attached to someone who "isn't looking for anything serious" and discover half the dating pool is married, ethically non-monogamous, emotionally unavailable or holding a fish.

Welcome to modern dating. We appear to have f****d this up.

You're Not Crazy, Dating Is is a brutally funny field guide for anyone who has ever stared at a text message, taken a screenshot and immediately summoned the group chat like a federal grand jury.

This is not therapy.

There will be no twelve-step healing journey. No worksheets. No gentle exploration of why someone who disappeared for eleven days might simply need "space."

They had space. They had eleven f*****g days of it.

We're talking dating apps. Profiles. Talking stages. Situationships. Ghosting. Mixed signals. Red flags. Boundaries. And the spectacular b******t we tolerate because someone is hot and apparently our standards left the building three margaritas ago.

This is the friend who takes your phone away when you're about to send the paragraph.

The friend who tells you that "he watched my story" is not a relationship milestone.

The friend who reminds you that a 1:14 a.m. "you up?" is not the universe bringing two souls back together.

And the friend willing to say what everyone else in the group chat is thinking:

For the love of God. Stop texting them.

There are already enough books explaining modern dating with clinical terminology and the emotional warmth of a waiting room pamphlet. This isn't one of them.

No experts. No clinical jargon. No therapisty crap.

Just one unwilling participant taking notes while the rest of us try to find love among people with the emotional capacity of a lobster screaming on your dinner plate.

You'll laugh. You'll cringe. You'll recognize someone you dated. You may recognize yourself doing something deeply embarrassing, but we're going to keep that between us.

Probably.

Welcome to modern dating.

The group chat has been expecting you.